Paul Hornung, ND’ original “golden boy”, is the namesake for college football’s newest honor: “most versatile player”. What does than mean? Well, to give you a proper picture, the Paul Hornung Award would have gone to either C.J. Spiller, or ND’s own Golden Tate if it were awarded this year (a player that can help their team the most in a large variety of ways).

Hornung is one of college football’s all-time greats (think the original Rocket Ismail, plus he could throw, and play defense), the only player special enough to win the Heisman on a losing team, so his name belongs right up there with the Biletnikoffs and Nagurskis.

However, he might have even more fame for the statement “ND must lower admissions to get the black athlete and win”. Technically, he may be right on lowering admissions, he just made the mistake of using the qualifying term “black”. (That’s what we call racial profiling.)

So, occasionally in his honor, the Blarney will bring you Hornung’s Words Of Wisdom, or technically true statements that are worded wrong, and perhaps show some prejudice or some kind of political incorrectness.

Paul Hornung’s Words of Wisdom For 3-5-10:

“Insure the hell out of any asset that you own, and you will not regret it. J-Lo insures her ass should it ever be damaged by massive shaking while dancing, and the possible money from that is enough to purchase several Renee Strausse wedding dresses ($12 million) for several more marriages. Also, people have been heftily paid for items as unusual as toilet seats. So, insure, make a claim when asset is damaged or lost, and get ready to listen to The Zac Brown Band on a sunny beach while drinking rum-filled drinks for the rest of your days!”

The NFL is about ready to wrap up their annual Dog and Pony show. The show to see who the next NFL stars will be. Heights have been measured, weights have been weighed, forties have been run, swords have been swallowed, pyrotechnics have exploded and etched a picture (of gladiators in shoulder pads wrestling 3-headed beasts to the ground) into the night sky. (Hey, the combine is an Event, baby. That’s right, with a capital “E”.)

Players stocks have risen, player stocks have fallen, in large part due to talents that don’t even show themselves on a football field (”Jones, from as complete standstill, jump for that first down now, damnit!”). GM’s have seen these test results-and some (I’m looking in your direction, Al Davis) will fall in love with them, and forget about the three years worth of game film that preceded these showings. In fact, “Arbitrary test results over on-field production” could be the combine’s slogan.

True, the combine is a gathering of more information that might prove to be valuable, and certainly is a measure of athletic ability, but should never overshadow what talent evaluators see when the pads are on. Management should always remember this.

Even knowing this, the fact is that the combine is a huge event, and a means to gain the NFL more exposure in the off-season, so it is here to stay. And, since it is still worth talking about, here are some random combine notes gathered by the Blarney, complete with a deciphered meaning.

Pitt tight end Dorin Dickerson runs a 4.4, and vertical leaps 42“.

What it means:

This guy will be in the running for “freak awards”. I though only SEC athletes were supposed to boast his kind of athleticism. But for all his athletic prowess, he was still only the third most dangerous weapon on the Pitt roster, behind Dion Lewis, and Jonathan Baldwin. He’ll last a long time in the NFL, but don’t expect stardom out of him.

Clemsons’ C.J. Spiller, Cal’s Jahvid Best, and Fresno State’s Ryan Matthews all run legit 4.4’s (and under).

What it means:

Fast, fast running backs, that have homerun ability. (Also, USC’s Joe McKnight ran a high 4.4, and Stanford’s “Toby the Tank” somehow ran a 4.5 with his huge frame.) That is a nice ability to have, but in the NFL, you have to run between the tackles. Chris Johnson’s 4.24 works because he is more than just speed. I think Toby Gerhart and Spiller have the best chance to be impact pros.

Maryland’s Bruce Campbell, a 300lber plus tackle, ran a 4.8, with a 32″ vertical.

What it means:
I read about this guy once. I think he was called Superman. It’s a bird… it’s a plane… or something like that.

Florida’s Tim Tebow ties quarterback record with a vertical jump of 38.5“.

What it means:

That, as suspected by the Blarney, Tebow has a better chance to win the NBA’s slam-dunk competition than to quarterback in the NFL.

Notre Dame’s Golden Tate runs a 4.4.

What it means:

Not a damn thing. For some reason, draft expert Mel Kiper Jr. thought it would be important to run well due to speed questions (Tate made many of his catches in traffic-he didn’t “separate” from defensive coverage, and this won’t cut it against defensive backs with more ball skills in the NFL.). for Tate, athleticism and speed was never the issue. Separation among great athletes comes from route-running technique. This is exploding out of cuts. This is not slowing down when making breaks or changing direction in the route. This is disguising your route by coming off the line of scrimmage the same way each time (confusing defenders for a split-second). This is the only thing Tate must improve to be a next-level receiver. The 4.4 will probably stop him from slipping too far down in the draft, but if Kiper really thought speed was the issue, than it is possible he has not learned one thing about actual football in the twenty-plus years he has somehow made a career out of scouting players. (Maybe you just need great hair to land the best gigs.)

(These are the thoughts for now, look for part II-coming soon!)

Have you ever seen someone come up with a smart (and sometimes simple) solution that just makes life easier for all involved, and you wonder, why the hell didn’t someone think of that sooner? Like Charles Kettering and the electric starter, for instance.

With all the bright people in the world, real problem-fixing should happen more often.

Here are the Blarney’s 5 current “fixes” that pay homage to that thought.

1.) Notre Dame and a training table. So, even though other schools have been producing bigger, stronger, and faster athletes by the bushel for nearly fifteen years through proper conditioning and nutrition, it took college football’s most well-known program losing to UConn this year to say, “we better do that to”. A UConn team that hasn’t even been a 1-A (okay, FBS) school for a decade, and constantly get out performed in the weight room by their woman’s basketball team (though Geno Auriemma’s girls are truly beasts).

2.) Tim Tebow’s throwing motion. It took his entire college career, and every NFL scout in existence (about the population of Germany), to get Tim to hold the ball up by his shoulder (and keep it there) for a quicker release. He used to like to drop the ball down by his waist (and bringing it back up) before releasing it. To put it another way, if Tebow’s throwing motion was like watching t.v., his old style would be like getting up off the couch, walking to the t.v. to change the channel button, going back to the couch, sitting down, then realizing the volume needed to be higher, getting up, walking to the t.v. to change the volume button, going back to the couch, and sitting down again (whew!). The new adjustments are like picking up the remote from the couch cushion and performing both those tasks with 2 quick touchings of a few buttons.

3.) Toyota tells the truth. The car giant admitting problems with their cars may give a man in jail a second chance at freedom. Evidence may show that the driving accident was indeed caused by the car itself, and not his driving.

4.) Domino’s Pizza. They have a new, better-tasting garlic crust. Everything in the world is now right.

5.) Paying energy bills made easier. Get your heat turned off again because you couldn’t pay your bill? Now there is a smart thermostat that lets you know exactly how much energy you are using-and what it costs. Time to stop being a delinquent.