The best part about people getting caught behaving badly?

The excuses.

People love to blame something else for their eff-ups. It’s never their fault, or their bad choice, or that they knew they were doing the wrong thing, it is always a “misunderstanding”, or an external circumstance.

However, it is unbelievably fun to hear the b.s. that these excuses are spew out of the guilty party’s mouth. I once read a story where a man tried to explain cheating by saying he was trying to help a lady who had fallen down, but then he slipped too, and “accidentally penetrated her”. He tried to get up, but continued to “slip back down” on the spill that caused the woman to fall in the first place. Love it.

In the honor of those who have made the excuses, especially Houston Texan star, and excuse stalwart Brian Cushing, here are some of the best:

“My dog ate my homework.” (A classic.)

“I need to be on birth control because my cramps are too painful.” (C’mon ladies, you can do better.)

“It’s over-trained athlete syndrome.” (No Brian, you love to juice.)

“I can’t get the money.” (So, get a job.)

“I didn’t inhale.” (Oh Bill, you didn’t inhale once. You inhaled multiple times.)

“My high B.A.C. is due to using an alcohol-based hand sanitizer.” (Fossella could at least have said it was cough syrup. At least that is consumed into the body.

“I bit her because I was suffering a low sugar-level from not eating my Mars bars.” (Bet Marv Albert wished he would have thought of that.)

Good stuff. All good stuff.

Paul Hornung, ND’ original “golden boy”, is the namesake for college football’s newest honor: “most versatile player”. What does than mean? Well, to give you a proper picture, the Paul Hornung Award would have gone to either C.J. Spiller, or ND’s own Golden Tate if it were awarded this year (a player that can help their team the most in a large variety of ways).

Hornung is one of college football’s all-time greats (think the original Rocket Ismail, plus he could throw, and play defense), the only player special enough to win the Heisman on a losing team, so his name belongs right up there with the Biletnikoffs and Nagurskis.

However, he might have even more fame for the statement “ND must lower admissions to get the black athlete and win”. Technically, he may be right on lowering admissions, he just made the mistake of using the qualifying term “black”. (That’s what we call racial profiling.)

So, occasionally in his honor, the Blarney will bring you Hornung’s Words of Wisdom, or technically true statements that are worded wrong, and perhaps show some prejudice or some kind of political incorrectness.

Paul Hornung’s Words of Wisdom For 7-28-10:

“Life is about more than winning and losing. It’s about being true to your beliefs, and living a life that you can look back on and think-Hey, I must have done something right. Oh, and it’s about making sure you never, ever turn out like Amy Winehouse.”

Lane Kiffin does what he wants.

To whomever he wants.

Whenever he wants.

Basically, He’s Mr. Burns personified. (Bring hands toward each other, and taps fingertips together repeatedly. “I’ve harnessed the sun, so it only shines on South Central, Los Angeles. Excellent”.)

He claws at people. He backstabs. He stretches the truth. He burns bridges. He eats his own (as we will see in a few seconds). As the CEO of USC football (and that’s what a head coach is), you would think he would want to keep his USC relationships strong (not to mention pro coach relationships, playing in the pros is the end game for the blue-chip recruits).

You would be wrong.

He took a baseball bat to that logic when he went behind Titan coach Jeff Fisher’s back (a USC guy, through and through) to hire away an assistant coach. Jeff Fisher didn’t like the way that Lane conducted business. Not one bit. Now, the Titan’s are suing Lane Kiffin.

Since becoming a head coach, Kiffin has been busy making enemies. He has committed numerous recruiting violations, cried “witch” on fellow coaches, taken “school promotion” to a new level by sending pretty coeds away from campus to high school grounds, and now this.

That, plus the guy is just getting started-he’s only in his early 30’s.

Honestly, couldn’t you see him on a future “Bad Boy” CEO list?

Kiffin is capable of any of the activities that these CEO’s were:

-spending $1 million in company money on his wife’s birthday party

-having an affair with an “up and comer” of the company

-limiting shareholders to one question at a shareholder meeting

-bribery through voice mail

-lying in court about a rendezvous arranged by an escort service

Yes, he is capable of all that, plus much more.