Notre Dame Tight End Mike Ragone better have a defense for his weed possession. He needs this because he goes to the one school that will bring the hammer down for having just a little fun with some kind bud. (Sarcasm alert: Weed is a horrible, horrible substance that ruined a whole generation, and most respectful college kids these day wouldn’t even think of trying.) While most schools might punish a player for smoking a little grass by making them run an extra lap at practice (Bobby Bowden would use this punishment for any occasion-even if it was armed robbery), or suspending them for a game, Notre Dame will boot you for a whole semester, taking a whole season away (just ask former Irish Point Guard Kyle McAlarney).
So, Mike, you better have some kind of logical defense in mind to fight for your eligibility (and, to be honest, you’re reasoning will have to be Socrates-like to win).
Make Ready the defense:
The pot was for medicinal purposes.
That’ right, Mr. Ragone was just trying to stay of sound body and mind for the season ahead. You see, years of taking various pain killers for numerous knee injuries, his body reacted negatively by reducing his appetite. The only possible solution was to undertake the smoking of Marijuana to bring his hunger back. He needed to be fully vested in the program for his teammates, and the off-season training regimen that (thanks to Brian Kelly) has finally instituted a training table. After all, without being able to eat and take part in the training table nutrition program, Ragone could suffer the same fate as his defensive ‘mates that averaged double-digit pounds lost per player last year (ruining the defense).
Re-establish a “good citizen”, non trouble-making image.
That is, hide the evidence of a Marijuana-loving nature.
1.) Take the Hendrix and Pink Floyd selections off the iPod.
2.) Sort through the DVD collection, getting rid of hits like Dazed and Confused, and The Big Lebowski.
3.) Cancel the vacation to Amsterdam.
4.) Erase the directions in the GPS to the local disc golf course.
5.) Clear the DVR of The Price Is Right episodes, which you record in order to “wake ‘n’ bake to-Santonio Holmes’ style.
Keep that in mind, and good luck, kid. You’ll need it.