Brady Quinn once saved my life.

I was down. I was out. Crushed. Beaten up. I was more pathetic than a grown man who actually thought it would be fashionable to wear a Donald Duck costume during one of his big concerts (Elton John), or a man that is almost 60 years old, and still calls himself “Sting” (ummm…that would be Sting). It was all because of Notre Dame football, how it was doing about as well as Verne Troyer in a drunken stupor. The Davie/Willingham era of football (run, run, incomplete pass/bubble screen for minimal yards, punt) was an offensive catastrophe of ineptitude on the level of Armageddon (not the actual Armageddon, but Ben Affleck’s acting in the movie). The Irish offense was about as exciting as Betty White’s current sex life.

Then, the Brady Quinn offense arose, lighting up the skies for over 300 yards/game, and multiple touchdown tosses. Highlight after highlight of bombs to Stovall and Samardzija. The thirty-point game was a guarantee. Notre Dame football was fun again, for the first time in a long time.

Brady Quinn used to be the man.

The straight-out-of-a-fairy-tale hero. The golden-boy quarterback that Notre Dame craves. I used to tell my buddies that the Irish were a 5-win team without him, and if he had a defense (like Troy Smith, Jamarcus Russell, etc. had), he would have been a national championship quarterback. He had the tools, smarts and tutelage (Weis), to make his mark in the NFL.

But now?

It is 3 seasons later, and Quinn has done nothing. It’s not easy to become a star if you are drafted by the Browns, but Brady never did enough to really impress anyone in the organization. The Browns went mostly with a guy that threw enough questionable passes to make Brett Favre say “Holy Shit!”, and even after dealing him, they still don’t like what they have in Quinn.

So they are shopping him around, most likely ending his Cleveland career before it even started.

So, what happened to the quarterback I saw in college?

Paul Hornung, ND’ original “golden boy”, is the namesake for college football’s newest honor: “most versatile player”. What does than mean? Well, to give you a proper picture, the Paul Hornung Award would have gone to either C.J. Spiller, or ND’s own Golden Tate if it were awarded this year (a player that can help their team the most in a large variety of ways).

Hornung is one of college football’s all-time greats (think the original Rocket Ismail, plus he could throw, and play defense), the only player special enough to win the Heisman on a losing team, so his name belongs right up there with the Biletnikoffs and Nagurskis.

However, he might have even more fame for the statement “ND must lower admissions to get the black athlete and win”. Technically, he may be right on lowering admissions, he just made the mistake of using the qualifying term “black”. (That’s what we call racial profiling.)

So, occasionally in his honor, the Blarney will bring you Hornung’s Words Of Wisdom, or technically true statements that are worded wrong, and perhaps show some prejudice or some kind of political incorrectness.

Paul Hornung’s Words of Wisdom For 3-5-10:

“Insure the hell out of any asset that you own, and you will not regret it. J-Lo insures her ass should it ever be damaged by massive shaking while dancing, and the possible money from that is enough to purchase several Renee Strausse wedding dresses ($12 million) for several more marriages. Also, people have been heftily paid for items as unusual as toilet seats. So, insure, make a claim when asset is damaged or lost, and get ready to listen to The Zac Brown Band on a sunny beach while drinking rum-filled drinks for the rest of your days!”

Paul Hornung, ND’ original “golden boy”, is to be the namesake for college football’s newest honor: most versatile player. What does than mean? Well, to give you a proper picture, the Paul Hornung Award would have gone to either C.J. Spiller, or ND’s own Golden Tate if it were awarded this year (a player that can help their team the most in a large variety of ways).

Hornung is one of college football’s all-time greats (think the original Rocket Ismail, plus he could throw, and play defense), the only player special enough to win the Heisman on a losing team, so his name belongs right up there with the Biletnikoffs and Nagurskis.

However, he might have even more fame for the statement “ND must lower admissions to get the black athlete and win”. Technically, he may be right on lowering admissions, he just made the mistake of using the qualifying term “black”. (That’s what we call racial profiling.)

So, occasionally in his honor, the Blarney will bring you Hornung’s Words Of Wisdom, or technically true statements that are worded wrong, and perhaps show some prejudice or some kind of political incorrectness.

Paul Hornung’s Words of Wisdom For 2-17-10:

“Show me a chef that thinks cat is a good menu item, and I will show you a chef that won’t be catering any of my parties. Unless that chef is Chinese, of course. Moo Goo Gai Pan is so good, I don’t care if cat is in it.”