College football is a lot like Lost. You have to “Play by the rules“. The NCAA (or anyone else, for that matter ) doesn’t appreciate an unfair competitive advantage. (”Hey kid, come here and we’ll get you a BMW.”) When a program forgets this, and gets caught, the punishment is probation. Probation hurts college football programs. All of them. Even USC. (With it’s “star” factor, sunny weather, and elite recruits that grow in California back yards in numbers that would put the state’s grape-growing market to shame.) The Trojans and Lane Kiffin are beginning to pay the price for years of Pete Carroll fostering an open, unrestricted environment perfect for football players to reap benefits not likely gained at other institutions-giving USC an unfair advantage. (Bush and agents, Matt Leinart’s dad paying for housing for his son and Dwayne Jarrett, etc.) No matter what Pete Carroll thinks, this environment did give USC an unfair advantage. (Think back to when you were a kid. Did your friends have sleep-overs at the house with the strict parents, or did you tend to gravitate toward the house with the parents that let you watch the R-rated movie?)

Due to the NCAA dropping the hammer on the Trojans, their football empire will indeed weaken (how much is the question). Already, it has been forced to watch the possible start of a “domino effect” (small events leading to large ones) that could humble the proud program. First, the Trojans lost DE Malik Jackson. That hurt a little. Then, a bigger domino fell. Much bigger. A 6′8″, 350lb domino. The Trojan’s most prized recruit, Cretin-Derham’s Seantrel Henderson. The behemoth who almost certainly would have assured that Matt Barkley’s jersey would have stayed the type of clean that would make Martha Stewart jealous for years to come.

Seantrel didn’t want to be part of a program on probation (harder to win, no bowls, less exposure, bad reputation), and when Kiffin’s reassurances (Don’t worry, everything will be fine.) rang hollow, Seantrel was ready to be gone.

As of now, it looks like Henderson will try to reach stardom as a Miami Hurricane. As far as the Trojans go (and as a completely unbiased observer), I can only hope that this probation period treats the Trojans like gravity treats white basketball players.

Kudos to Pac-10 Commish Larry Scott, and his attempted power-grab for a “Pac-16″. (I say attempted because ESPN’s Mike Greenberg has just informed me that Texas is staying put, and the Big 12 will survive as a 10-team conference, minus Nebraska and Colorado. Now, if Greenburg would just spill out his secret to his too smooth, almost feminine-like skin, I would be set.) As a conference commissioner, the job is to do what is best for the conference. Make its individual members money, establish prestige, further academic interests, ensure long-term viability, etc. By luring Texas (and Oklahoma to a lesser extent), Larry Scott would have accomplished all of these goals. The Pac-10’s day as a third-rate conference would have been over, and a potential superpower would have been born.

While it appears to not have worked out for Scott, future power-grabs will be a way of life (institutions will look out for their best interests) from now on. Get used to it. So, just for discussion’s sake, what schools would make every conference commissioner’s wish list? (Note: this list is based on the splash of the name, not on factors such as logistics or “campus vibe”, or anything along those lines. Hey, the Big-10 would have gladly taken Texas, and Texas doesn’t remotely resemble a Big 10 school.)

Here we go:

1.) Notre Dame. Sorry folks, but any conference would consider Notre Dame. While the Irish haven’t been a player on the football field in twenty years, the name equals ratings, and green notes for any conference. ND has such a national interest, people can’t help but tune in. Many may tune in to jeer, but that doesn’t change the ratings or the interest that Notre Dame generates. What kind of interest, you ask? Even though it has been down for a lifetime, opposing fans still love to bust on Notre Dame any chance they get. As in, they go onto chats, or ND websites, and post comments about how irrelevant Notre Dame has become, and how they will never win again, failing to realize that they wouldn’t be feeling the need to talk about ND at all if they were just another program that didn’t matter. ND commands a different type of attention. When USC was down in the 90’s, nobody felt the need to talk about them. Who is talking about the current Miami Hurricanes and Randy Shannon? Nobody. Now, imagine if the Irish have a revival under Brian Kelly. If the Irish start winning, they would draw the kind of media attention that would make a BP executive think “I’m glad I’m not under that microscope!”

2.) Texas. If Notre Dame could be compared to the Beatles, Texas would be the Rolling Stones. The Beatles have slightly more notoriety, but not much. Texas has one one the winningest football programs of all time, is one of the current best programs, has the most profitable athletic department in the country, has unbelievably rich boosters, and has the second-most populous state in the country following its every move. That is desirable. Notre Dame and Texas are probably the only two schools in the country that play by their own rules, and that kind of power is why they are the first two on this list.

3.) USC. USC brings tradition, money, style, and Hollywood to the table. Snoop Dog on the sideline? Check. The school is a breeding ground for the NFL as well. The only caveat is that they must be winning. Fans have too many other things to do in California to pay attention to USC if they struggle.

4.) Florida. The balance of power in college football has shifted to the south. We all know that. That’s where the best players are, the craziest fans reside, and where football matters most. It goes without saying that the South’s flagship program would be roughly as desirable to court as Marilyn Monroe was in her time. (Both the president, and world’s best baseball player-when it was America’s past-time-wanted her.) Florida could potentially be higher on this list, but is seems that either they, Florida State, or Miami are interchangeable, it just depends on who has the right coach.

5.) Michigan. Similar to Notre Dame in almost every way-right down to the fight song. National fan base. Among the winningest programs of all-time. Currently struggling, but potential makes them very attractive.

6.) Ohio State. Any commissioner would be well-served to get used to “Hang On Sloopy” on the jukebox. The Bucks have the prestige, notoriety from being on the national championship stage (good and bad), a huge in-state following, national appeal due to huge graduating classes the disperse all over the country, and they fight with Texas over who has the most valuable athletic department in the country.

That’s the “Big 6″ on every commissioner’s wish list. The schools that someone would sell out their own mother to get. What would your schools be?

Others: Alabama, Florida State, Miami, Oklahoma, Penn State

His name is Wayne Lyons. (Read the Andy Staples article.)

He is an Ed Reed-like safety at a Florida prep school (sure-to-be 5-star recruit).

He is also a Will Hunting in the classroom (5.0 GPA, sure-to-be valedictorian).

This combination of talent and smarts, and hard work are the epitome of human greatness.

Guess what? That kind of combination just doesn’t happen every day. Most people only have the time and talent to be great in on area. For example if you’re twelve, and can throw an 80mph fastball, the chances are that your caretakers are going to work cultivating that skill at the expense of others. Covalent bonds in chemistry can wait, Johnny has to work on his slider. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, just the way it is. Johnny’s own energy would be focused mostly on his athletic skill, leaving little for his mental development. (Vice Versa example, Bill Gates was way too busy taking computers apart to work on his cross-over dribble much.)

In fact, this combination happens so rarely, that I’m quite sure institutions of higher learning would love to see what he is made of, and then proceed on to the cloning process. Hell, the powers that be at Notre Dame might even take that whole cloning idea to the Vatican for reconsideration to get a group of guys like this. (Hyperbole folks, just hyperbole). To be able to get a guy that could play in the NFL, but could just as likely become a heart surgeon is any university president’s wet dream. Are you kidding me? 5-star talent without the baggage of mental ineptitude of guys that like to claw out their opponent’s eye, or rob convenience stores with their school’s gear on? Sign them up.

Wayne Lyons is so rare he can bat 1.000. Perfect. That is, with his resume, he can apply to 50 schools, and get 50 scholarship offers (per the Staples’ article). Nobody bats 1.000. Not Babe Ruth. Not Elvis. Not the president of the United States. (My dad told me this long ago when I struck out with a beautiful girl. Okay, okay, she wasn’t beautiful, she was slightly above average. Like a 6, and I still struck out.)

I bring this rare case up because of Notre Dame’s desires to enroll students who excel in both the classroom, and on the field. Notre Dame demands excellence. In everything.

The problem is, while that sounds good and everything, real-life examples much harder to find (Note my explanation from the beginning of this post.). That’s why I say (only half-jokingly) that these schools would want to clone Wayne Lyons. How many people can you name that are excellent mentally and physically? Myron Rolle is a name that comes to mind (Rhodes Scholar). Peyton Manning could run for office. I could see Grant Hill owning a Fortune 500 company. Other than that, there’s probably not a lot of guys in professional leagues that you would want working on your retirement plan.

The nature of excelling in different areas is what makes things difficult for Notre Dame. Does the school hope to find a ton of Wayne Lyons’s and Myron Rolle’s (not likely). Do they accept that the best athletes will often take the easy road, just honing their athletic talents, and not bother competing with the USC’s? Or do they quietly loosen a few academic restrictions to compete?

I don’t know the answer, but I do believe that Notre Dame must find an answer. And the answer can’t be cloning Wayne Lyons.