It’s August, and you can start to smell the college football season in the air. And it smells so sweet. Sweet enough that you start losing your “employee of the week” parking space to a different Oompa Loompa every day, and your thinking “‘Where the hell did all these Oompa Loompas come from, and am I going to have to go Legarrette Blount on one of ‘em to show that they can’t mess with my parking space?”, and then you suddenly remember they all are here because of the previously mentioned sweetness in the air due to college football. So, you can’t be mad. The little guys can’t help it. Sweetness is their catnip.

Anyway, college football is almost here, and each conference has their Media Days to give a sort of preseason “state of the union” address. The Blarney has scoured the notes for you, and is giving you the rundown. I’ve already checked in on the SEC, and it’s time to give the heads up on the others. Right now, it’s the ACC (you get the highlights).

In the words of Budweiser: Here. We. Go!

THE ACC

North Carolina. Butch Davis talked a lot about, “having regret”, “taking responsibility”, and “getting through the embarrassment due to overwhelming support”. All strong rhetoric in response to the scandal over the program (academic fraud, assistant coach working with an agent, improper player benefits). It turned out being like having an Oscar-worthy speech in a war movie, and then taking a bullet in the head at the start of the very next battle scene, because Davis was canned two days later. Season ruined before it started.

Virginia Tech. Always the same in Blacksburg. New, multi-talented qb (Logan Thomas), a probable stud running back (David Wilson), good defense and special teams. The Hokies will do pretty well, beat up on some patsies, challenge for the ACC title, but not make much noise as far as beating a really good team.

Miami. New coach in Al Golden, who cut his teeth playing for Joe Paterno. Miami will be more mentally tough than they were under Randy Shannon, and the media will talk about “speed” whenever addressing the Hurricanes, just as they always do (it comes with the territory, like calling political commentators “idiots”). But, this isn’t a vintage Miami team by any means. Quarterback isn’t settled (Jacory Harris has been stuck in limbo since a hot start two years ago), and depth all around isn’t great. Golden said as much when he said, “I’m just tired of everyone thinking that lack of swagger is the only problem we have”.

N.C. State. No Russell Wilson, no problem. Oh, wait, it is a problem. A big one. Like sharting yourself before the sales meeting at work (Dare you to turn and use that laser pointer on that line graph behind you, right along that x-axis of declining profit share. I double dare you.) Won’t hear much about the Wolfpack this year.

Marland. They decided not to go with Mike Leach (who would actually put butt-grooves in the seats at Byrd Stadium) this offseason, and went with UConn’s Randy Edsall. Edsall will have a disciplined team, run the ball, play solid defense, and be a 6-8 win team, just like they were under Friedgen.

Boston College. Luke Kuechly will make a lot of tackles. Probably as often as 15 year-old girls make Facebook status upates. And, he’ll have to, because an offense featuring a pro-style qb (Chase Rettig), and a coordinator who is option-flavored (Kevin Rogers) equals trouble. The Eagles will be average, with a couple of surprising performances.

Florida State. Are they back? Will they be back? Are they soon on the way to be on the way back? Are they back from being on their way back, to being back? What am I even saying? The Seminoles are the hot team in the ACC. Florida State won 10 last year (but, they played 14), have blue-chip quarterback E.J. Manuel ready to fulfill his promise, are resurgent on defense under a Stoops brother (those guys know how to coach “D”), and Jimbo Fisher is getting it done on the recruiting trail. Most look to the Oklahoma game as the one to watch to know what the Seminoles will be. The media loves the Seminoles, but is it legit, or because they’ve been passing around the peace pipe with Chief Osceola all offseason long? They still have a lot to prove.

The Blarney is looking to introduce a new semi-regular column. Sometimes, people do or say things that leave you with your jaw agape like you were a Burmese Python swallowing a wild pig.

These people must be called out from time-to-time. Think of it as an American duty. And the Blarney will gladly do so.

So…when people somewhat related to the college football world f–k up royally, the Blarney will ask: What were they thinking?!

Gunner Kiel picks Indiana. An elite, 5-star quarterback, with elite offers everywhere, picks the Hoosiers? This isn’t the sport where you toss an orange spherical object through a cylinder hanging off a post ten feet in the air. Hell, even then, you probably wouldn’t pick Indiana, the state is far removed from having any feel-good basketball stories starring Gene Hackman. Kiel has Irish bloodlines (his uncle was a star for the Irish back in the day), was coveted by ‘Bama and Oklahoma, yet he still picked Indiana (Love for Oklahoma’s former offensive coordinator?). For a big-time prospect trying to grow his brand, picking Indiana is like moving to Libya when you want a media career criticizing the government. Gunner Kiel, what were you thinking?!

The Browns sign ND’s Brian Smith. Because the way to recover from the Eric Mangin era is to sign defensive players that talk much bigger than they play (Smith is the Peyton Manning of talk). Smith was good for about four games during his entire Irish career. He’s not a classical brute run-stuffer in the middle, and isn’t a rangy, athletic linebacker, either. Free-agent or not, this wasn’t a smart addition. Cleveland, what were you thinking?!

Mike Brown reiterates Carson Palmer is retired. The Bengals’ owner did something Notre Dame could never do. He stopped Carson Palmer. Brown is getting called out for: 1.) running an organization so shitty that a guy will walk away from $13 mil, and 2.) being so stubborn that he isn’t even trying to get something for a depreciating asset. He’s just letting the asset go to nothing. Mike Brown, what were you thinking?!

North Carolina fires Butch Davis a week before practice begins. We’ve know since last season that the Tar Heels’ program was an orgy of wrong that would make Caligula blush. Stud players like Marvin Austin, Greg Little, and Robert Quinn held out because of improper benefits. Academic fraud. The second-most important coach (and best recruiter) dealing with an agent. Why wasn’t this done sooner? The kids that have sweated for the program, and done no wrong have a season ruined before it even started. North Carolina, what were you thinking?!

It is oh, so close to August, and Notre Dame’s 2011 season is right around the corner. I’ll just get right into it.

Here are the 5 things I can’t wait to see this year:

1.) The Notre Dame pass rush. There is a buzz around the ND 2011 season nationally, and it starts on the defensive front. The Irish played lights-out defense to close out the 2010 season (13 quarters without allowing a touchdown, a potent USC offense was frantically searching to see if the “Bush Push was still in the playbook just to try and score when they got the ball on the Irish two-and that generous spot was the only reason USC was able to cross the goal line at all), and followed it up by signing three 5-star defensive front seven players. I just like that story. The Irish have crashed and burned for eighteen years mainly due to a lack of athleticism and difference-makers on this side of the ball. Well, this year, Kapron Lewis-Moore, Louis Nix, Darius Fleming, Manti Te’o, Prince Shembo, (True freshman alert! True freshman alert!) Aaron Lynch, and (True freshman alert! True freshman alert!) Stephon Tuitt are all possible break-out players that will be on the field trying to show those eighteen years are in the past. If this were a re-brand, Eminem would be doing the voice-over. Normally, I would punch myself in the face for saying this, but I want to catch myself uttering these words, “That looks like an SEC defense!” Will I see that, or am I daydreaming?

2.) Dayne Crist’s throwing accuracy. (At this point, I am almost sure that Crist will be the starter over Rees.) Simply put, will he throw more strikes than gutter balls? “Cuz I’ve seen him look like he’d be better-suited to play bumper bowling on more than one occasion. The ND offense fell out of rhythm too often last year due to Crist’s inaccuracy, and if he doesn’t improve considerably, count on four losses.

3.) If I will be cheering, or cussing like I have Tourette’s when the ball is thrown at Harrison Smith. Rangy, fast (4.4 at a high school Nike camp, second only to K.C. star Eric Berry), and athletically gifted, Smith has never quite measured up on the field. Perhaps it was because of bouncing around between linebacker and safety under Charlie Weis. Smith started to fulfill promise last season, leading the Irish with seven picks from his free safety spot. Most see this as foreshadowing to a big season for Harrison. However, the dirty secret is that four of those were thrown right to him (He was Jacory Harris’ favorite target, and Miami’s leading receiver on the season). Remember when Neil O’Donnell wowed with his impression of super-agent Drew Rosenhaus and gave the Cowboys’ Larry Brown Super Bowl MVP and a fat new contract with the Raiders by throwing two picks right to him? Never heard from Larry again. That’s what I am slightly afraid of. We will find out soon if Smith is worthy of the expectations.

4.) If Mike Floyd is college football’s best receiver. I want to see Floyd on a mission. Stronger, faster, more explosive. Like he’s wearing PF Flyers or something. I want to ask: “Who’s Justin Blackmon? Who’s Alshon Jeffery?” Or has Mike already peaked?

5.) If Brian Kelly is a savior-coach. In year two, Kelly’s teams jump. He got traditional weakling (think Steve Rogers before he was Captain America) Cincinnati to the BCS in just his second year. Year two is the new legacy year. Ask Bob Stoops, Jim Tressel, Urban Meyer, Gene Chizik (who played in the championship against another year two coach) what can happen in just a second year. Coach Kelly, Irish eyes are on you.