This story has already been covered by the likes of real writers such as Andy Staples, and Stewart Mandel, and discussed time and again, but it wouldn’t be complete with the Blarney throwing in a few childish taunts toward the fan base in question.

As you already know, a deranged Alabama fan (62 year-old Harvey Almorn Updyke) took out his hatred on Auburn and its fan base by poisoning their landmark oak trees on Toomer’s Corner. Auburn wins a national championship, and an Alabama fan reacts by breaking the law in order to destroy a tradition (posioning those trees is like a USC fan painting a smiley face on Touchdown Jesus), and give a little payback for the Tiger’s victory over the Tide in the Iron Bowl. All’s fair in love and war, I guess. To borrow a phrase from Dr. Evil, “riiiiiiiiiiiight”.

The sad thing is, it is not surprising that it was an Alabama fan that kissed reality goodbye and took his football obsession to extremist levels. Because Alabama resides in the SEC, where football is everything, and they probably really do believe “all is fair in love and war”, with football being both the love and the war. The SEC, where parents will willingly miss their own child’s wedding if it falls on the same Saturday their beloved team plays. The SEC, where scholarships are “open to discusssion”, that is, you can have yours until we want to give it to somebody else. The SEC, where a fan would chastise their rival for paying for a superstar quarterback, but secretly wish their own school had ponied up a little more so they could have gotten that same superstar quarterback.

We are products of our environment. Harvey Almorn Updyke acted on his own, and those SEC fans with high IQs and the ability to think rational would not have gone the same route that he went, but there is no doubt the culture of the SEC played a part in this story. The SEC’s obsession toward football, and the fact that there are also more passionate SEC fans with low IQs and the inability to think rationally, make it likely that there is another Harvey Almorn Updyke out there.

That’s pretty much what I have to say about that.

Follow up:

For fun, the Blarney has picked out a few examples in the world that illustrate the same type of obsessive behavior that the SEC exhibits toward football, and you can tell me if this kind of attitude makes it likely that there is at least one other Harvey Almorn Updyke out there.

The SEC is to football as:

-Sorority girls are to Facebook status updates.

-Viral video’s are to kicks in the junk (and pet behavior).

-Men are to the size of their penis (hey, another quarter-inch wouldn’t hurt). I watched a show where a guy died because he cut off circulation tying a kielbasa to his leg before he went out to a club.

-Women are to calories (I’ll have the stick of celery, please).

-Black guys are to “pimpin”.

Paul Hornung, ND’ original “golden boy”, is the namesake for college football’s newest honor: “most versatile player” (a player that can help their team the most in a large variety of ways).

Hornung is one of college football’s all-time greats (think the original Rocket Ismail, plus he could throw, and play defense), the only player special enough to win the Heisman on a losing team, so his name belongs right up there with the Biletnikoffs and Nagurskis.

However, he might have even more fame for the statement “ND must lower admissions to get the black athlete and win”. Technically, he may be right on lowering admissions, he just made the mistake of using the qualifying term “black”. (That’s what we call racial profiling.)

So, occasionally in his honor, the Blarney will bring you Hornung’s Words of Wisdom, or technically true statements that are worded wrong, and perhaps show some prejudice or some kind of political incorrectness.

Paul Hornung’s Words of Wisdom For 2-24-11:

“Many of the opinions we form in this world are relative (formed as related to the environment). Are you successful in business? If you are compared to short-order cook, the answer might be yes. However, if you are compared to Mark Cuban, the answer would probably be no. Following that logic, if you ever find yourself amid controversy, and need to protect your reputation, compare your behavior to the ethics of Lane Kiffin. He cares nothing for “the rules”, and no matter what mistake you made, you will come out smelling like roses if compared to Kiffin.”

Former Notre Dame and Chicago Bear star Dave Duerson committed suicide last Thursday. I don’t (and will never) know the full story, but it seems that a main reason Duerson chose to exit this world was due to the brain damage he suffered because of his football playing career.

I will never agree with Duerson’s choice, but he showed his caring nature by asking that his brain be donated to research, in order to learn more about the degeneration suffered by athletes in sports (football, boxing) where hits to the head are common.

Yes, the athletes that play the sport we love most, can also pay a steeper price for their profession. They are more at risk to suffer “quality of life” issues down the road due to the nature of the sport they play. The collisions break down the body, and do lord knows what to the super computers that reside in a human’s skull. Duerson couldn’t live with the wreckage anymore.

Players know the risk, and the best get paid handsomely for the risk they take, but this sort of story is why you will never here me complain about the money football players make, or why it wouldn’t bother me if college players got paid too. Call it hazard pay if you want to. It is also why you will never here me complain about rule changes for player safety. These guys basically get into car wrecks multiple times a game, and there is nothing more sickening than seeing a player get his head bounced off the turf like a basketball.

Duerson was wrong, and he was right. He was wrong to give up on his life (Granted I have not walked in his shoes, but countless people are able to rise above their struggles, so why not him?), but he was right to give very smart people a resource to study, and possibly help those with brain trauma down the road.

Scientists, I hope you can do your part.