The Trojans have dominated Notre Dame for the past decade. These are just some of the ways the rivalry has been so one-sided: Working on a 9th straight victory. Better athletes. Heisman-winning performances (ND should boast at least 8 Heisman winners rather than 7, they should be awarded a stake in the three trophies they handed USC during the Pete Carroll era). Coaching advantages. Slap fights over grass-growing tactics. Scoring differentials that would have made Anna Nicole Smith say “that is just too much!”. And finally, Notre Dame heartbreak.

Yeah, let’s just say there are some things I could handle better than losing to USC again:

1.) Watching Fried Green Tomatoes with my 60 yr-old aunt.

2.) Testicular cancer.

3.) A curly hair in my Taco Bell order.

4.) Being an ardent follower of Ron Artest’s music career.

5.) Being Bristol Palin’s mom.

6.) Being the guys who sang “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”. (”I said, what about Breakfast at Tiffany’s, as I recall, we both kinda liked it.” Just a horribly, horribly written song.)

7.) Shopping/working on Black Friday.

2-0 in November. What?? A dominating win against a team ND should dominate. What?? Strange indeed. ND blasts Army 27-3, and here’s what I think:

1.) Where did that D come from? One offensive touchdown given up in the last three games? Guys other than Manti Te’o running around and making plays? The Irish don’t have a great defense, but they have a few good athletes, and the coaches are scheming and giving multiple looks, making the unit respectable overall. This is the best an ND defense has played since 2002.

2.) Bob Diaco, way to adjust to the option. 4-man fronts, Robert Blanton as more of a linebacker than a defensive back, forcing things outside, where the better Irish athletes dominated the edge. I will not question you until the next time the defense looks bad. I promise.

3.) Cierre Wood, loving the flashes of big-play ability. Not seen that in an Irish back since Julius Jones.

4.) Tommy Rees to Tyler Eifert. The Irish grow athletic tight ends like Lifetime grows shows that make men want to stab their own retinas.

5.) Better in November than September. I like the sound of that.

Paul Hornung, ND’ original “golden boy”, is the namesake for college football’s newest honor: “most versatile player”. What does than mean? Well, to give you a proper picture, the Paul Hornung Award would have gone to either C.J. Spiller, or ND’s own Golden Tate if it were awarded this year (a player that can help their team the most in a large variety of ways).

Hornung is one of college football’s all-time greats (think the original Rocket Ismail, plus he could throw, and play defense), the only player special enough to win the Heisman on a losing team, so his name belongs right up there with the Biletnikoffs and Nagurskis.

However, he might have even more fame for the statement “ND must lower admissions to get the black athlete and win”. Technically, he may be right on lowering admissions, he just made the mistake of using the qualifying term “black”. (That’s what we call racial profiling.)

So, occasionally in his honor, the Blarney will bring you Hornung’s Words of Wisdom, or technically true statements that are worded wrong, and perhaps show some prejudice or some kind of political incorrectness.

Paul Hornung’s Words of Wisdom For 11-18-10:

“If you are fooled on the option once, shame on them. If you are fooled on the option twice, shame on you. If you are fooled on the option three times, you must be Bob Diaco.”