The best coach on the planet is Urban Meyer. Period. And not just at football, the man is a life coach. If there is a skill that can be taught, he can teach it.

Want to win in college football? Get Urban Meyer as your coach. He has the salesmanship to recruit the best players. He has the savvy to turn them into champions (two national championships in four years, and damn near three). Pete Carroll was close, but he had less championships in more time yo win them. Nick Saban is right up there as well, but Meyer gets the slight edge for now (his salesmanship tops Saban as far as landing players, so the Gators are the safer bet for consistent success).

Want to play the violin? Get Urban Meyer as your coach. Because of his non-stop motor and cyborg-like single-mindedness, Meyer somehow found the time to learn violin under the great Dorothy Delay at the Juilliard School. He has taken the same passion that the great Mrs. Delay had, and combined it with a great natural “feel” for music, giving him the means to produce a concert pianist like nobody’s business.

Want to learn archery? Get Urban Meyer as your coach. His attention to detail ensures that your shooting form will never waver, and your consistency is at a Robin Hood-like level. How else do you think former actress Geena Davis went from Hollywood to one of America’s best archers, despite never touching a bow and arrow before her forties?

Want to learn the true power of a boxing punch? Get Urban Meyer as your coach. His knowledge of motivating athletes combined with studying boxing savants like Steve Petramale have taught him the secret of impact-punching. “The secret is to generate power starting with your legs, followed by rotating your hips so they become a sort of fulcrum, carrying your punching power through your back muscles, then your shoulders, and into your arms (ending with the fist).” Chuck Norris has nothing on this guy.

In fact, he teaches this technique to all of his defensive lineman so they are better able to knock offensive lineman off balance. (Meyer also has them take note on how this technique can help relate to women, either to get their attention from another male, or to punish them from forgetting to cook your favorite meatloaf dinner.) In fact, UF football player Gary Brown was putting this knowledge to use when he slapped around two women at a party in Gainesville.

When asked about the situation, Brown commented,

“Coach, you know, coach said that the best way to get a girl’s attention if she is you know, messin’ with another guy is to be physical with her. She will pay attention after that. I was just, you know, practicin’ on me relating to women.”

When asked if that was the case, why was another woman assaulted, Brown commented,

“You know, coach is so demanding in our efforts every day, that I just couldn’t half-ass it, you know? One wasn’t enough to get the practice I needed.”

Now, that is great coaching.