Lane Kiffin has ambition. The kind of ambition that can cause a person to do anything to succeed. Anything. If he believed that it would help him win a national championship, he would embezzle funds from the National Kidney Foundation- causing a shortage of dialysis machines, robbing little Kelsey of her chance to live past age 5, then take her kidneys that she no longer needs, incinerate them, and sprinkle their ashes into the Pacific Ocean for good luck. Like I said, anything.

He is already on the NCAA’s list for monthly recruiting violations in his year at Tennessee, and now he is going to USC-a school already with questions, that might face trouble due to benefits given to Reggie Bush and Joe McKnight. Kiffin has such a win at all costs attitude, he will either take USC to championships like Pete did, or he will crash the program from 30,000 feet like Flight 815.

And if you don’t believe me, you should see how he plans to get the best players in the country to USC…

The Secret List Of Lane Kiffin

1.) Start the Facebook Group, “Any Vol Recruit That Doesn’t Ditch Their Tennessee Commitment and Come With Me To USC Is Gay.”

2.) Put A Stripper Pole in Heritage Hall, and hire women of the night to audition as tour guides of future Trojans. (I will provide singles to the recruits for tips.)

3.) Provide fake ids for all kids under the age, so they can go to Casey’s Bar & Grill without any hassle.

4.) Assigning “stunt doubles” to all USC football players. Hired to do dangerous activities for my guys, in this case, going to class and taking tests.

5.) Big clothing discounts for all lettermen at Fred Segal’s. We like style in L.A.

6.) Bentley’s for Heisman winners. Diablo’s for lesser awards.

7.) Agents for everyone. And not just the ones like Rosenhaus, we’re talking guys like Tom Cruise’s agent.

8.) All the weed they can smoke from Snoop.

9.) Debit cards for groceries, no need to hold up the 7-11 for a Mountain Dew.

10.) Free memberships for all to Wilshire Country Club.

Yep, Kiffin will try just about anything.

A few years back, prognosticators decided they couldn’t wait until spring ball to predict the top 25 for the coming season, so they started “Way Too Early Predictions For (pick a year)”. And to be honest, that’s fine. The more college football to read about (even in January), the happier I am.

However, you shouldn’t take these predictions as anything more than a stab in the dark. They amount to, “Terrelle Pryor had a big Rose Bowl, and the Buckeyes return most of their starters-national championship contender. There is always a yin and yang element to these guesses. Preseason predictions always look at skill talent and returning starters (which are good indicators), but they often ignore offensive line experience (a major factor in winning teams) as in: “Oklahoma should be fine as long as they can replace 4 of their 5 offensive line starters. Then, the offensive line has trouble reading defensive schemes, and Sam Bradford gets injured in the first game. They look at recruiting rankings (again, a god indicator, but that doesn’t mean the players are being developed), and figure that the big boys just reload, as in: “USC will win the Pac-10, they have ample talent to replace 9 defensive starters.” Then, Stanford knocks the Trojans right off their high horse. They ignore the fact that new stars emerge every year, sometimes after three or so years in the training program.

But, most of all, these early predictions run into the thing that can make us all look like fools. We tend to equate past success to future success. (In psychology, this is known as a function of attribution-a shifting of expectations based on past achievements.) This is not always the case. Ask GM.

(This is the part where Duke comes in and says: “Knowing is half the battle!“)

That being said, when it comes to predictions, two of Sports Illustrated’s best college football writers had divergent viewpoints on the 2010 edition of the Irish.

Stewart Mandel sees BCS (The Sugar, to be exact).

Andy Staples sees an allergic reaction to even the top 25.

Mandel is looking at the prognostication factor that the Irish recruited well, so they must be due for a performance jump. (Especially since Weis could not motivate college kids, and new coach Brian Kelly certainly can.) However, he may be making a mistake by ignoring the fact that the Irish have returning experience that isn’t all that impressive (i.e. defensively).

Staples has to be looking at the experience prognostication factor. The Irish don’t have a groomed quarterback, are losing experience on the offensive line (both tackles at least), and haven’t shown results with defensive talent. That doesn’t add up to anything good. However, he may be making a mistake by ignoring the fact that new stars can emerge.

I’m leaning with Staples on this one.

Who do you lean with?

First, there was Love Potion #9. I think it involved pheromones, or possibly a lot of alcohol. But it was the gift of the gypsies, and could make men fall for anyone from Raquel Welch (One Million Years B.C.) to Jack Welch (longtime CEO of GE, plus he’s a guy), or even that box of Kleenex they needed for runny noses (hey, it was potent stuff).

Well, there is also such a thing as Strength Conditioning Secret #9. “Pills are good.” Testosterone based pills used for building huge amounts of muscle mass to be exact (though being injected is more common). Wouldn’t you know it, synthetic testosterone can build more muscle than eating grilled chicken and jumping rope.

Mark McGwire took years to admit it himself (even though Congress gave him a chance), but the fact is this: Athletes use performance enhancers. Lots of athletes. In every sport, from football to figure skating. They use it to get an extra edge, or even from fear of being left behind because their competitors are “dirty”.

So, don’t be surprised if there is shadiness involved in your (or any fans) strength & conditioning program. Because we’ve all seen quarterbacks that are built like linebackers, or defensive lineman that have put on 30lbs of muscle in a single year (hey, it’s potent stuff). And folks, that’s just not an easy thing to do.

Pills Are Good.