Some people are frightened of the weirdest things. People can fear peanut butter sticking to the roof of their mouth. Or clowns. I am afraid of being crushed by boobs while I am sleeping. (Hey, it could happen.)

After 6 games of proof, I have established a few fears that the Fighting Irish clearly have that need to be added to any phobia list.

Notre Dame Phobias

MANOAMANOAPHOBIA

This is a defensive back’s fear of man to man coverage. It can be observed when Notre Dame defensive backs sit back 15-20 yards from an opposing receiver, and maintain at least that distance no matter where the opposing receiver runs. The end results are Purdue receptions across the middle of the field with nothing but green grass in front, or USC touchdown passes from a true freshman quarterback where the receiver actually stops a minute to light up a cig, and the ND defensive back lies flat on the ground after tripping on his own shoelaces.

MICKJAGGERAPHOBIA

This is the odd affliction that results in Notre Dame thinking that “Time Is On My Side.” Always. They never feel the need to wrap up a game before the final seconds. Therefore, big plays can wait. Oh, it can also lead to the odd desire to lay in bed with David Bowie.

AVIOINSTRUMENTAPHOBIA

The phobia of flying headfirst into a college band. Only case in history was exhibited by Golden Tate.

XMARKAPHOBIA

This is the fear of Notre Dame receivers that they will have a giant “x” spot on their chest for the rest of their lives if they don’t use their hands to catch a pass, and let the apex of a rocket-fueled perfect Jimmy Clausen spiral into their body.

ANTERIORPUSHAPHOBIA

This is the fear of Irish coaches to use just the first part (the front 4) of their defense to stop the run or get pressure (push) on quarterbacks. They prefer to blitz any available linebacker and safety. And since the Defensive Line (in a group effort) couldn’t even put enough pressure on Jennifer Coolidge to make her put down the Twinkies and reprise her role as (The original MILF) Stifler’s Mom to make millions in a spinoff of American Pie, I can’t say I blame them.

Can you think of any others?

Does Notre Dame still want to play for national championships? (If they do, that would mean loosening restrictions, and recruiting many-not just some-of the same guys that a USC, Florida, or Alabama do.)

Or does it want to “run an academic institution, and not a football factory”, “have athletes that actually go to class and are set for life (and life after football)”, “athletes that can read and write”, field a 8-10 win team every couple years (with 6-8 win teams in between), and fight the good fight?

I have argued for the former before. However, it is not up to me, it is up to the University. But, I do know that once before, under Lou Holtz, the University agreed with me.

In case you may have forgotten, and think that-”Notre Dame never has and never will sacrifice academics to get ahead on the football field.” (Of course, the academic isn’t just SAT scores and GPA’s-it’s an association with being a highly-motivated person, doing the right thing, and having a high socioeconomic status. You know, nobody with “questionable character”.) You should read this:

The case of former Irish All-American linebacker and NFLer, Demetrius Dubose:

“Dubose, was a speedy, sideline to sideline linebacker that starred for Holtz in the early 90’s. He could cover receivers, and mash running backs. Good enough to be the 34th overall pick in the draft. Basically, he had the type of ability that you see on today’s ‘Bama teams. But, he had some demons. When he entered Notre Dame, he was asked to fill out one of those questionnaires with the always-popular “Where do you want to be in 10 years?” His answer? Alive. Does that sound like the answer of a “Notre Dame” boy? After playing for the Irish, he played a few years in the NFL, and then everything went to madness. At age 28, he was shot and killed by police officers after an attempted robbery. He came at them with nunchucks, and had ecstasy and cocaine in his system. Yep, that’s right, a Notre Dame boy, and attacking police officers was how his life ended.”

The case of Demetrius Dubose illustrates one thing:

To succeed on the football field, Notre Dame admissions let Lou Holtz recruit players that don’t meet the typical Notre Dame requirements-sometimes as a student, and sometimes as a person. They had guys with questionable backgrounds like Dubose, and I think every good player of that era majored in African-American Studies (at least that’s what I remember).

I bring this up because Holtz’s teams had players. From 1988-93 the Irish had 23 players selected during the first 3 rounds on the NFL draft. Throughout the 90’s Notre Dame had more players in the NFL than any other school. Check out this roster. I see three 1,000 year NFL backs on the same roster, at the same time. That doesn’t include the biggest of the big-play guys-the Rocket. I see 5 D-lineman that played in the league.

Holtz’s teams were as talented as anyone (even the flashy ones like Miami and Florida State-but the Irish were considered underdogs because the option isn’t sexy), that’s why he won. Sure he could x and o, and he could motivate, but it was the players that made him great. When the players dried up a little during his last three years, his records did too. And the people didn’t like that. They liked it when Notre Dame was winning-fans and donors were happy, and the University was happy reaping the benefits that the best football program in America wrought.

I hear people blaming Weis for where the Irish are. But, the issue is more related to talent. Notre Dame has some fabulous players, but not at the numbers that the elite have. And the Irish will never be where the fans want them to be until they can get some more talent (especially defensively).

The first step to admitting you have a problem is to do what is necessary to try and recruit with the best of the best. Like they used to.

For the first time since 2005, Notre Dame-USC was a game equal to the best intersectional rivalry in college football. That’s the way it should be (with an occasional ND blowout win thrown in there) every year. As for this year’ version, I feel like what country star ( who was musically confused like Prince had gender confusion) Garth Brooks said in The Dance-”I could’ve missed the pain, but I’da had to miss the dance.” The Irish showed a lot, and the program is still rising-if they finish the year by winning out, and have a big time recruiting class.

Here are 10 things I know about ND after this game.

10.) This team is a close-kit team. They fight for each other-every down and every play. And I love it. I am behind this team (not in a gay way, well, maybe gay for Golden Tate), and don’t remember ever rooting harder for an Irish team.

9.) On a given day, the Irish can play with anybody. With Golden Tate, Jimmy Clausen, Kyle Rudolph, Mike Floyd (assuming he comes back), and Armando Allen-the Irish can score enough points to beat anyone-including USC, Florida, Alabama, Texas, etc.

8.) On a given day, the Irish can lose to anybody. “A new and improved Irish defense-now with the ability to turn any quarterback, running back, or receiver into an instant All-American!” Call and order yours today!

7.) Frank Verducci is David Blaine. In other words, he’s a freakin’ magician. Look, I know USC got a bunch of pressure and sacked Clausen a bunch of times (he had happy feet in the first half-which added to the problems). But, they also gave Jimmy some beautiful pockets, and opened up some running lanes way beyond my satisfaction. It wasn’t a stalemate, but the Irish O-line performed wonderful compared to units that Clausen couldn’t even depend on to throw down the field with last year. Also, Verducci hasn’t even been stressing his teaching style for a full year.

6.) Tony Alford isn’t too shabby, either. Armando Allen and Robert Hughes run harder than any time in their entire careers. I like a wide-open offense but Weis maybe should be willing to get his guys a few more carries than he does.

5.) ND needs to play some bump ‘n run. Soft zones and free releases are making it too easy on offenses. Weis recruited cover corners-so let them try to play some man. Let them put hands on a receiver and try to throw timing off. Even if they get burnt over top, it won’t be worse than what is going on now.

4.) Golden Tate is the best big-play receiver in America. You can argue some other names-Gilyard, Green, Jones or even his injured teammate, but nobody is making bigger plays right now-and nobody is more valuable to his team as a true threat to go the distance at any time.

3.) Jimmy Clausen in the best pro-style quarterback in America. This may be a cheap title because Bradford is injured, but that is the way it is. Nobody combines the intelligence, velocity, and accuracy like Clausen does.

2.) The Irish have problems, but Charlie Weis isn’t near the top of the list. He’s had some bad losses. Like peanut butter and jelly in the same jar, bad. And he might not be the answer that the Irish are looking for to build a championship program. But, he has upped the talent level, runs a superior offense (his forte), and puts his players in positions to make plays. Unfortunately, sometimes they don’t. And sometimes they get beaten down because of talent.

1.) The Irish need more talent (especially defensively). Notre Dame has some fabulous players, but there was still quite a difference in defensive talent between them and USC. The two best ways to describe the talent issue are:

1.) Brian Smith is considered the best Irish linebacker-he would not start for a single SEC defense.
2.) When USC is out of position, or is fooled on a screen, their guys get you 10 yards down the road. No biggie for one play. With the Irish, that same scenario is going for at least 50, and will possibly be a game-changing play.

(Oh, some quicker bookend tackles wouldn’t hurt either).