Some people are frightened of the weirdest things. People can fear peanut butter sticking to the roof of their mouth. Or clowns. I am afraid of being crushed by boobs while I am sleeping. (Hey, it could happen.)

After 6 games of proof, I have established a few fears that the Fighting Irish clearly have that need to be added to any phobia list.

Notre Dame Phobias

MANOAMANOAPHOBIA

This is a defensive back’s fear of man to man coverage. It can be observed when Notre Dame defensive backs sit back 15-20 yards from an opposing receiver, and maintain at least that distance no matter where the opposing receiver runs. The end results are Purdue receptions across the middle of the field with nothing but green grass in front, or USC touchdown passes from a true freshman quarterback where the receiver actually stops a minute to light up a cig, and the ND defensive back lies flat on the ground after tripping on his own shoelaces.

MICKJAGGERAPHOBIA

This is the odd affliction that results in Notre Dame thinking that “Time Is On My Side.” Always. They never feel the need to wrap up a game before the final seconds. Therefore, big plays can wait. Oh, it can also lead to the odd desire to lay in bed with David Bowie.

AVIOINSTRUMENTAPHOBIA

The phobia of flying headfirst into a college band. Only case in history was exhibited by Golden Tate.

XMARKAPHOBIA

This is the fear of Notre Dame receivers that they will have a giant “x” spot on their chest for the rest of their lives if they don’t use their hands to catch a pass, and let the apex of a rocket-fueled perfect Jimmy Clausen spiral into their body.

ANTERIORPUSHAPHOBIA

This is the fear of Irish coaches to use just the first part (the front 4) of their defense to stop the run or get pressure (push) on quarterbacks. They prefer to blitz any available linebacker and safety. And since the Defensive Line (in a group effort) couldn’t even put enough pressure on Jennifer Coolidge to make her put down the Twinkies and reprise her role as (The original MILF) Stifler’s Mom to make millions in a spinoff of American Pie, I can’t say I blame them.

Can you think of any others?