Oh, Colin Cowherd. The host with the most is at it against Notre Dame fans already this week with his “jab you in the rib style” until you’re white-hot with such a fiery anger that you want to channel your inner Mike Tyson, grab some Montgomery Inn Barbecue sauce, chew off a piece of his ear, and savor it like it was the finest of filets (letting it sit on the tongue and opening up the flavor with a nice Cabernet until every single one of your taste buds starts going at it Tonya Harding-style, and clubbing each others kneecaps to reach it first).

He rehashed a familiar refrain that was heard so often back in 2005-Notre Dame is gonna let that grass grow until it is 4 feet tall to slow down USC’s speed, grow it until you can crouch along the ground the and hunt zebras. Long grass=slower playing field to negate an athletic advantage. “Charlie knows that if Notre Dame is gonna go athlete on athlete against USC, they’re gonna get boat raced.”

Genius! This is a significant thought because clearly a slow playing field only affects USC’s players. It wouldn’t bother the Irish’s athletes one bit. The long grass will make Joe McKnight slower-but not Golden Tate.

Once can only hope that commentators aren’t serious when they make comments like these. Please let it be just a little joshin’. Tell me you don’t make “big boy” money and think that some teams pray for a slower field as their only means of salvation. I remember the 2005 game-and the grass didn’t slow Reggie Bush down one bit. When you can play, you can play-and it doesn’t matter where. Alabama’s defense is better than anyone else’s and it is better on grass, on turf, on field turf, on concrete, in the snow, and on the moon. Micheal Jordan could slam it from the foul line on polished parquet, or on a hard brick alley.

To put it another way, do you feel better when your team is stocked full of Bill Gates-caliber athletes versus Usain Bolt-caliber athletes in sloppy conditions rather than Florida sunshine? My guess would be no. And my guess that is that Pete Carroll is confident in his team’s playing ability anywhere.

Look, Cowherd is right in his assertion that Notre Dame should be concerned with USC’s athletes. (Though ND has more athletes than he thinks.) The Irish defense is chopped liver (based on the evidence), which means USC is gonna rack up yards and points with McKnight, Damian Williams, and an improving Matt Barkley. Notre Dame presents USC a challenge offensively with the way Clausen is playing, but will it be enough to negate the damage that will be wrought on ND’s defense? I couldn’t tell you. I don’t know if the Irish have the athletes to measure up or not.

But I do know that the game will be decided by who has the better players, and not how long the grass is.