If South Bend Blarney could pick up some WD-40 (it literally fixes everything) to right its wrongs, these are the two mistakes that would be remedied.

Mistake #1.

Childish mocking.

Toward the end of last year, the Irish were getting ready to play lowly Syracuse. Now, the Irish weren’t great, but the Orange would have had trouble beating the local high school tennis team on the gridiron. I think they had only beaten a 1-AA team before taking on the Irish-and were largely non-competitive at any other point. In fact, Robinson would go on to finish 10-37 at the ‘Cuse, with 3 (out of 4 total) double digit loss seasons. I expected the Irish to roll (seriously, Syracuse was Bill Murray in Kingpin comb-over bad). Even went so far as to mock the Orange, by listing the only 5 ways they could possibly win. So, naturally, Syracuse took over the 4th quarter with a 24-23 comeback beating of the Irish.

Lesson #1

Always be ready, and never underestimate any person or activity. The results will not be what you are looking for. It goes to say, there will be no mocking of Washington State this year.

Mistake #2

Got dangerously-bold one day, and asked Supermodel Naomi Campbell to dinner.

Lesson#2

Won’t be doing that again.

Note: Will probably forget Lesson #1 at some point, childish mocking is pretty fun.

The Irish defense bailed out the team against BC by getting 5 turnovers (3 fumbles and 2 picks). So, give them some props for getting the job done. But, having that unit on the field with the game on the line is not the way to close out a game. Why? Because it is also the same pass defense that ranks 117 in the nation, gave up 10 completions of 20 or more yards to the Eagles, and makes world beaters of any possible quarterback they play-Tate Forcier, Michigan State’s quarterback (that’s right, I don’t even know his name), Jake Locker, Matt Barkley, Dave Shinskie, and probably even a grandma found shopping at Wal-Mart (and I don’t mean this super-athletic grandma).

I just don’t trust them. And won’t until they prove to be better. Anyway, another game will come down to the defense making plays, so I want to reiterate my point by listing some dangerous activities that I would be more comfortable with than trusting the Irish D to save the team’s ass again when the game is on the line:

And, the activities are:

1.) Betting on Washington State-even when taking the points (usually about 4 touchdowns worth).

2.) Skydiving-and letting Bugs Bunny hand you the parachute.

3.) Tight-Rope walking. 50 stories up. Above concrete. Having incredibly poor natural balance. After randomly being blinded by Tabasco. (Never get in the way of a food fight, by the way).

4,) Having a Skyline Chili-eating contest with this guy. You will never recover.

5.) Changing tires for Danica Patrick. Oh, those women drivers.

6.) Participating in the Running Of The Bulls. Wearing a favorite red polo.

7.) Letting your girlfriend work as an intern where ever Steve Phillips may be working.

Golden Tate is currently the best playmaking wide receiver in college football. Period. Point. Blank. ( Even Rivals.com agrees, and Gene Menez of Sports Illustrated has him at #3 in his Heisman watch.) Defensive coordinators know they have to stop him, but the 52 receptions for 847 yards, 8 touchdowns, and multiple toasted defenders say they can’t.

The kid has so many attributes as a receiver you can’t even compare him to other receivers. You can only compare his talents to the talents/achievements of others in pop culture.

So, it’s time for a game of:

Would You Rather?

Would You Rather: Have Golden Tate’s hands (he catches everything), or Stephen Hawking’s brain?

Would You Rather: Have Golden Tate’s speed and acceleration (he just gets by everybody), or Bill Gates’ money?

Would You Rather: Have Golden Tate’s touchdown-scoring ability, or John Holmes’…well, you know. (This is a tough one, even Marky Mark still keeps a (Dirk Diggler) prosthetic reminder of what it was like to be John-sized.)

Would You Rather: Have Golden Tate’s bravado, or Scott Baio’s women (any of ‘em.)

Would You Rather: Have Golden Tate’s ability to improvise on the run, or Jay Leno’s car collection?

Would You Rather: Have Golden Tate’s strength (would-be tacklers bounce off of him), or the ability to fire anybody like The Donald can?

Just some ponderisms to think about as you take in just how skilled the Golden one is.