The 2009 season has already been a roller coaster of ups and downs for ND fans. A 2-1 record, WAC-like scoring (for and against), come from behinds, Jimmy Clausen to Michael Floyd and Golden Tate fireworks, a 38-34 gut wrenching loss, and a 33-30 jump for joy win. And through all of this there only one question that remains. What Happened to the D?

ND is Giving up 30+ points and yards like Chris Brown gives out black eyes, and that is to a freshman quarterbacked-team, and an offensive-what’s the opposite of juggernaut? The Irish offense could lead the team to 9 wins, but the Irish defense could lead the teams to 6 wins. At this point, nobody really knows.

With that being said, one has to wonder, what happened to the Notre Dame defense?

Maybe:

1.) Much like your homework in the past, the dog ate it.

2.) Tommy Chong lost it along with his keys in the back seat of a soccer mom’s Honda Odyssey that he used to hitch a ride home after he ended up at St. Henry’s 7th grade girl soccer playoff at 4:30 in the afternoon after he ate a batch of special brownies.

3.) The wizard has it. You know, that one in Oz?

4.) It’s in Purgatory, where all of Notre Dame football has been forced to reside since it kicked Lou to the curb after too may fights over which student athletes to let in.

5.) It’s placed with the testicles of every man in America forced to watch Grey’s Anatomy with their girlfriends/wives.

6.) It’s back at the damn drive-thru window, where that schmuck with the headset forgot your ketchup packet for you fries, too.

7.) It’s at the bottom of a box of Cracker Jacks.

8.) It’s where Pete Rose left his soul when he bet on baseball.

9.) It’s where all the advice/demands that catholic kids “not have sex before marriage” sequesters to. (In the wastebasket of your 9th grade English teacher’s class.)

10.) It’s where you used to hide you starchy socks after, well, you know what, so your parents wouldn’t find them when doing the laundry.

If any of these are the case, Notre Dame’s defense will never be found.

If you don’t know anything about college football, let me tell you these two things:

1.) Jimmy Clausen is the most hyped athlete in Notre Dame history (”The Lebron James of High School Football”). In the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the term “golden boy” has a picture of Clausen next to it.

2.) In his junior year, he is living up to the hype.

Bradford, McCoy and Tebow are the ones that rank at the top of “best of” lists based on their past accomplishments. Locker and Pryor are the ones “wow” scouts with their ridiculous physical gifts (they could be All-America’s at any position). But nobody is throwing the rock like Jimmy Clausen. Nobody puts his receivers in a position to make a play like this kid does-and there is no more accurate quarterback.

Look what I mean:

JIMMY CLAUSEN’S NUMBERS:62-of-91 passing, 951 yards, 9 TDs; 11 rushes, 0 yards

Tebow’s numbers: 39-of-58 passing, 540 yards, 5 TDs, 1 INT; 39 rushes, 148 yards, 3 TDs

McCoy’s numbers: 75-of-110 passing, 859 yards, 6 TDs, 4 INTs; 24 rushes, 46 yards, 1 TD

Locker’s numbers:63-of-105 passing, 811 yards, 5 TDs, 1 INT; 26 rushes, 54 yards, 2 TDs

Clausen is completing 68% of his passes. McCoy is the only one that matches that clip, but Clausen does so while throwing the ball down the field much more often (less likely to complete passes). The Irish have the riskiest passing game out there-and Clausen is the only quarterback who could make it work.

So, how accurate is Clausen?

He is so accurate that:

-Girls get pregnant just because he walks buy.

-Nintendo designed their Wii controllers so that the beams would follow a path that mimic Clausen’s arm trajectory.

-He told Sam Walton to build a computer and satellite based-inventory management system for Wal-Mart.

-He didn’t apply for a home loan when everyone told him to.

-He never hits the toilet seat (even when he goes half-asleep at 3am).

-He is the first friend you make on Myspace (not Tom as everyone seems to believe).

-He told Urban Meyer about something called a “spread offense” when Meyer was at BGSU.

-He knew Ryan Leaf would be a bust.

See what I mean? (Feel free to add your reasons to the list.)

Another week down, another reason to purchase some Just For Men to rid myself of Fighting Irish-induced gray hair follicles. After Michigan State, I am officially 10 years older than when the season began. Anyway, here’s what I saw this week. Do you agree, or do I need my contact prescription adjusted?

Did You See: The makings of a real running game? And I mean better than the Darius Walker-led attacks of ‘05 and ‘06. That running game was draw and delay based, and Walker’s elusiveness got it done. This offensive line (thanks to Frank?) is the first of the Charlie Weis era to fire off the ball, and take it to the defense. They want to bury the defender (As witnessed by Sam Young gone wild. Can’t have a flagrant foul in that moment, though.), and are opening huge running lanes. That, plus the fact that Armando Allen and Jonas Gray have serious running ability bodes well for a truly balanced offense. The point scoring will not rest only on Jimmy Clausen this year.

Did you see: The best game of Jimmy Clausen’s career? He has had better numbers, but never bigger throws. The go-ahead score to Tate in the 4th? That was Bo Derek-perfect 10. In the college game, maybe Sam Bradford can make that throw too, but I can’t think of anybody else. This is another reason I will never be mad at Weis for his calls at the end of the Michigan game-I’ll take the ball in Clausen’s hands every time.

Did you see: The Picasso that is Golden Tate? He has been overshadowed by Mike Floyd up until now, but there is no better big play receiver in the country. He needs to stop his improv class impersonation of Braylon Edwards (dropping the easy ones), but the aforementioned game winner and the 3rd and 17 bailout illustrate why defensive coordinators have to hold their breath every time #23 is thrown to. He is magic and drama all at once with the ball, and gets bonus points for his Superman dive into the MSU band.

Did you see: That Floyd scored on the broken collarbone play? Of course you did, even Helen Keller saw him maintain possession, and that was after she heard his foot-thump as he touched the ground. No player wears the coveted #3 jersey better, and I will miss my man crush for the rest of this season.

Did you see: Anyone that can play defense besides Kyle McCarthy? For the most part I didn’t, but Kapron Lewis-Moore and Darius Fleming both flashed their athleticism on a few occasions. Tenuta and Brown need to figure something out, the Irish won’t survive with McCarthy playing the equivalent of a one-man band. Like Weis said, the “D” has to make an offense work for the yards instead of just giving them away. Fundamentals like tackling needs to be fixed, but it looks like this area will be what holds this Irish team back.

I am still not sure what to make of this Irish team, but the upside is there to go BCS-bowling. Of course, the potential is also there to be a slightly-worse version of Weis’s first 2 squads, or even have the bottom fall out completely.