We all have those embarrassing or awkward moments. They could be called Michael Scott moments. Times where you just want to run and hide from the rest of the world, and times where you just think “that can’t be true”. Like the time you fell asleep in study hall and woke up just in time to hear yourself fart in front of the hottest girl in class. Or when you were 11, and found that dominatrix outfit in your mom’s closet.

For the Notre Dame defensive backs, this happens on a weekly basis when they try to tackle an opposing player. It is like a fish out of water. Either they miss completely-like when Swedish company Locum sent out Christmas cards spelling the company name in lowercase letters, and replacing the “o” with a heart symbol (see the resulting logo), or they mistake tackling with something that looks like the old House of Pain music video Jump Around, where you just hop up and down and bounce your chest against someone else’s.

Notre Dame tackling-taking awkward to a whole new level.

Charlie Weis already knew. The guys in the locker room with him already knew. Kordell Stewart wished he knew (he came out, right?). Jimmy Clausen has big balls. Bowling ball-sized, actually. They ride shotgun in his Denali, and sign autographs for the lucky fan occasionally, but always in a hurried, scribbled manner, as if to say, “Sorry, I’ve got places to be.” Like, on national television, showing who’s the best quarterback in the land.

Well, consider the people “showed”. They were “showed” when Clausen led a last minute drive for the winning touchdown against the Boilermakers despite the facts that he came away grimacing every time he planted his turf toe-affected foot into the ground, and that his offensive lineman let defenders rush him like pubescent girls would love to rush between the cape and arms of a hunky, sensitive vampire who saved their life from an oncoming car, and especially desires the scent of their blood.

And not just us regular people, but NFL scouts now know too.

From Weis:

“I got more text messages last night from NFL people saying that same thing – ‘Good to see a quarterback with some guts,’ ” Weis shared on Sunday evening. “The word might not have been ‘guts,’ but I got several of them last night on the way home, because I’ve got a bunch of friends that are all pulling for Notre Dame, and they were impressed.”

Jimmy Clausen has erased all doubts. He isn’t all pedigree and pizazz. Not just a golden boy quarterback with a throwing motion that belongs on Mount Olympus (where do you think Zeus learned to hurl his lightning bolts?). Not just a spoiled rich kid, who was lucky enough to play on a high school team with more NFLer’s than some actual NFL teams (the Cleveland Browns come to mind), bumping up his status in the mind of recruitniks everywhere.

He is heart. He is a leader that can will his teammates to victory. No deficit is too much. No game too tough. No throw too difficult. And as good as all of this is, remember that most of all, he has balls. Balls that will be on display every Saturday (hopefully leading Notre Dame to victory), and hopefully (for Kordell and other gay men across America) he will follow the lead of Cal Naughton Jr., and do a spread for Playgirl magazine. (Though his balls are so big, the photographer will not be able to stand back far enough to get them on the page fully).

Another week down, another reason to purchase some Just For Men to rid myself of Fighting Irish-induced gray hair follicles. After Purdue, I am officially 10 years older than when the season began. Anyway, here’s what I saw this week. Do you agree, or do I need my contact prescription adjusted?

Did you see: A coach that deserves some credit for making a depleted offense respectable? Not many coaches would feel comfortable going into a game without their best wide receiver (also possibly the nation’s best) and running back, while having limited used of their starting quarterback (another one of the nation’s best). Charlie made it work. He used Mr. Dangerous (Golden Tate) in a variety of ways, and got big time production out of forgotten-man Robert Hughes, as well as calling on the walking mismatch known as Kyle Rudolph. He put his team in position to run the ball with authority-and they did. The points probably didn’t match the production, but Weis did about as good as can be done in that situation.

Did you see: The reincarnation of Joe Cool? I didn’t quite see that either, but Jimmy Clausen came damn close. Big throw after big throw, including tattooing the game winner to Rudolph’s chest (he’ll have the “x” from the point of the ball as a keepsake forever). If funny fatman John Candy were still alive, Jimmy would have seen him in the crowd, I think (read up on Joe Montana and 49er lore, people, oh, and mention that anecdote to any Bengal fan you know). Jimmy turned “hurt big toe and no go” into a possible career-defining moment. ND needs Jimmy Clausen.

Did you see: The most versatile man is show business? That would be playmaker extraordinaire Golden Tate. He catches passes, returns punts, plays quarterback, and takes handoffs. He can do drama/suspense (game-winning catch against Michigan State), comedy (subsequent dive into the band against Michigan state, and leprechaun hat after Purdue), and mystery (where did his hands go?). He also sells popcorn at intermission.

Did you see: Darius Fleming getting acquainted with the backfield? 3 tackles for a loss is a good day for any defender. Fleming has the chance to be a disruptive force at end or linebacker for a defense that desperately needs it.

Did you see: A defense that thought it was playing a game of tag (not the good kind with the body spray and hot girls either)? “You’re it!” “Hey, why the hell is he still running?” Tackling must be better, or the Irish will be burned to the tune of 4 or more losses.

Did you see: A defense that looks better on the bench? Until the aforementioned tackling, pass rush, run defense, and pass coverage (should I have just said everything?) gets better, I will continue to believe that nothing good can happen with the “D” on the field.

That’s what I saw against Purdue, was there anything else to be seen? And, what will we see against Washington?