Notre Dame’s favorite son (Joe) has a son of his own (Nick) that is a highly regarded quarterback recruit in the 2010 class. Since Domers care about bloodlines, South Bend Blarney thought it would be a good idea to periodically keep up on the happenings of the younger Montana:

What’s been going on?

-There is one thing about Nick Montana now that we didn’t know before. He is all about surprises. And not the “I found a $5 in my jeans when I was doing laundry” variety, but the “What the F?!” Crying Game “That chick is really a dude!”, unbelievable kind of surprise.

-This is because he will be quarterbacking for the Washington Huskies. The Chernobyl of college football programs. As noted in the last “Montana Watch” this can only be due to the ease of which the starting position can be won.

-This pick apparently also has something to do with Nick’s secret addiction to coffee, and nobody does coffee like the Pacific Northwest. There is literally 1 Starbucks for every 5 people in that area. Regular black coffee, Expressos Mochas, Cappuccinos, Frappuccinos, Hazelnut-flavored coffee, cigarette-flavored coffee (you can never get enough stimulants in that dreary weather), you can get it all.

-Best of luck Nick, some Domers are probably pissed that you aren’t following in you dad’s footsteps, but South Bend Blarney is only upset that the gossip of “The Montana Watch” has come to a close.

Men and women are different. We all know that. Men are all about a ladies’ waist-to-hip ratio of 0.7 (watch some Discovery Channel every now and again, would ya?). Women are all about the Lexus in a man’s driveway. Men like to tinker with things and scratch themselves, while women like to talk, and talk, and talk. Oh, and talk (mostly about themselves).

But, the most important difference is the thing that excites each sex the most.

For men…

College Football Preview issues! That means the season is just around the corner! We get to read grown men predicting a season’s outcome on silly factors such as:

-returning skill players (but nobody notices returning lineman)
-last year’s bowl victory
-starters lost (how about “good starters lost”)
-who the #82 ranked running back is
-how well you can stop the run in the throw-every-down-Big 12

…Etc. And we love it (I will buy at least 2 publications)!

For Women…

It’s The gift that keeps on giving.

Just like R. Kelly asked us to do back in the day, you need to KEEP IT ON THE DOWN LOW. Hush Hush. Don’t speak about it. Not when you are doing something that will be judged and acted upon by others.

You could be workin’ up on some other dude’s girl, juggling 4 girlfriends at once, cheatin’ on your taxes, or even being a dude and secretly enjoying Grey’s Anatomy. It doesn’t matter what questionable activity you are into, don’t let other people know about it! Otherwise, (at least according to R.Kelly) Mr. Bigg is liable to go upside your head from anywhere between 20 to 40 times with his cane, and put you in hospital stretchers for a month.

So with that being the case, here are some thoughts on the upcoming college football season that we should keep very quiet. (Most people won’t want to believe these, and would call the following ideas crazy.)

SSHHHH! DON’T TELL.

-Jimmy Clausen will emerge as one of the top 4 college quarterbacks in the game. He has the smarts, accuracy and arm strength. He has big time potential All-American wide receivers (Tate and Floyd). His o-line will be experienced. For flashes last season, he was as accurate as anybody I’ve seen. Colt McCoy will be the best college quarterback next season, but Clausen will put up numbers that will put him in the same breath as Bradford, Tebow, and Zac Robinson.

-Florida will feel the loss of Harvin. I know Tebow is a deity. I know Florida is returning 110% of their defensive starters (that’s right, they are returning so many, it’s actually more than they had last year), on what might be the best defense in the nation. I know they have more speed than Lisa Lampanelli has black guys. But, Percy Harvin was the only guy they had that could kill you in an instant. He made the plays that broke other team’s backs. And without their right haymaker, Florida will feel the sting of being the defending champs (LSU, Georgia, Florida State, SEC Championship game) somewhere along the line. That, along with playing some cupcakes, will hurt them in their quest to repeat.

-Terrelle Pryor will be the nations most dynamic player. He has to be. There will be some Big 12, WAC, and Conference USA (incredibly pass-centric teams) quarterbacks that have bigger passing numbers, but nobody will provide the ESPN reel plays that Pryor will. He is more athletically gifted than Vince Young (who was off the charts as a college quarterback), and the Buckeyes will be without Chris Wells. The ball, (and Buckeye season) will be completely in his hands. Ohio State haters don’t want to hear this, but the kid will go down as one of the greats.

-Alabama loses 3. The supposed Saban dynasty-in-the-making gets delayed this year. Saban is a top 5 coach, and he is bringing talent into ‘Bama, but the Tide is no sure thing. They owed everything to their smash-mouth offensive line last year, and the studs are gone. No Andre Smith, Antoine Caldwell, and Marlon Davis. So, 3/5ths of the maulers are finished, and new offensive lines take time to jell. Parker-Wilson wasn’t a great quarterback, but a new starter always has growing pains (even with Julio Jones). They lose to VaTech (Tyrod Taylor makes the plays to win a defensive struggle), LSU (too much talent to have another wasted year), and Ole Miss (Jevan Snead and his playmakers will be too much to overcome).

Stay tuned for future “Down Low Observations”…