If I ever see Marty McFly again, I am gonna punch him right in the face. He is a shyster, no doubt about it. A real scam artist. One of the shadiest bastards that I have ever come across.

I met him just a few days ago, right after my Irish had lost to Syracuse. That’s right, the team that has/had Greg Robinson as a coach and had only beaten 1 FBS team all season. The team that Rutgers has surpassed in the Northeast. The team that hasn’t mattered since Donovan McNabb roamed the sidelines. Notre Dame lost to them because, well, because Notre Dame loses to everybody these days.

Here’s what happened:

So anyways, I’m sitting at a BW3’s with a buddy of mine, and I don’t even have the stomach to eat any more wings. I don’t need wet naps to wipe my face-I am using my own tears. This dude walks up to my table and asks if I’m all right. He says his name is Marty McFly. He is boyish-looking, and seems to have a thing for Old Navy-type tech vests. Weird. We get to talking, and I start blabbing about the good ‘ol days-when Notre Dame could actually win a national championship. He says he has just the thing to help me.

We walk outside, and he introduces me to his sports car. It’s called a DeLorean-it has cool up-swinging doors, and was apparently “da bomb” back in the 80’s when Don Johnson ruled the world, and when Rick James was slapping Charlie Murphy around at Studio 54 after doing too much blow.

He told me that his brilliant scientist friend had turned it into a time travel machine by using plutonium and something call the flux capacitor. All you have to do is get the thing up to 88mph. He lets me hop in and we go back in time and meet Abraham Lincoln. Wow! The thing actually worked. I realize this is my chance to go back and visit the glory days-maybe watch Rocket take a kick back to the house or something. Marty and I decide to do business. I get the DeLorean, and he gets a hefty sum of money.

I am ecstatic. I hop in the car, take it up to 88, and…and nothing happens. I look under the hood to to see what’s wrong, and I realize I have been scammed. The flux capacitor is not there. And Marty McFly is long gone.

The Notre Dame way this season is to play well in a quick spurts-and then just quit. Stop playing, and stop giving effort. I wonder, how would I go about my everyday life if I did things the Notre Dame way?

Maybe it would be like:

Stopping my car at a gas station to put air in all of my tires, then stopping after 2 because I figure the treads of the other two are immune the the effects of properly inflated tires.

Wanting to show off my culinary skills by barbecuing a Beer Can Chicken, and a hour after the spices have begun to absorb into the bird, say the hell with this and go to Taco Bell instead.

Going to the bar, and working my game on a Rihanna-look alike all night, just to stop one Bud Light short, and take home the fatty by the Photo-Hunt game.

Trying to lose some extra lbs by going on that 30 minute run, but deciding that rocking the Wii Fit would be a little easier.

Buying a new high def t.v., but settling on a Vizio(Hey! Cowherd likes it!).

Working on my blog by compiling long list of life imitating Notre Dame Football and…………..

It’s 2 days later and I’m still waiting to wake up from the nightmare. ND lost to a program that is on a Washington level. It’s as embarrassing as wearing a black shirt and forgetting to use your Head & Shoulders. Yikes.

The Good

Another good game for Golden Tate with over 140 yards and 2 touchdowns. One of the best playmakers in the nation.

The Bad

The Offensive line is Swiss Cheese. Holes everywhere. A wet dream for defensive lineman all over the nation. Weis needs to get this fixed, and he hasn’t done a good job since he’s been at Notre Dame.

Another double digit lead blown. Where’s the mental toughness? People are blaming Weis for a lack of emotion/killer instinct, but he is not holding the players in check. A player needs to be a leader in the locker room.

Lack of consistency. This is related to the offensive line, but these guys need to put points on the board. Especially with short fields. Clausen and Co. get stuck in neutral far too often.

The Ugly

Losing to Syracuse is like getting caught sleeping with Bea Arthur.