I am Jeff Samardzija.  And I am a forgotten man.  Why?  This is the question I ask myself everyday.  Notre Dame Stadium used to be my playground.    2 years of countless burned defensive backs.  15 touchdowns in a single season.  Back to back years with double digit touchdowns.  All-America honors.  All Brady had to do was keep the ball in the vicinity of the stadium and I would catch it.  One time, he threw it right to the guy at USC, and even thought I was out of position, I ignored the laws of physics, and phased right through his body to catch the ball.  Einstein would have been pissed if he saw it, because he wouldn’t have been able to figure out how I did it.  Sometimes I got so mad that my competition couldn’t challenge me that I would wave them toward me and hope they might catch me.  I was everybody’s favorite, whether it be my amazing catches, blood thirsty nickname, or hair so cool that even Bill Ray Cyrus would have traded his mullet for it during his Achy Breaky Heart Days.  All of this, and I am still yesterdays news.

Why?  Because the the new Notre Dame offense will shatter everything that Brady, Stovall, and I did.  Clausen, Floyd, Tate, and Rudolph will make it look like we were playing in a sandbox instead of Notre Dame Stadium.  Those kids can do it all, and have at least 2 more years together.  They will be the most potent Notre Dame offense ever.  Who needs to remebember me when Floyd and Tate become the best receivers Notre Dame has ever had?  When I begin to think like that, there is only one thing that comforts me.

At least I still have my hair.

Another game in the books.  Not overly impressed with the Irish, but this was the first time in awhile that they could play an average game and still thump the other team.  My thoughts:

The Good

Michael Floyd continues to impress.  Loved his touchdown when he showed some run-after-the-catch ability.  He can do it all, run, catch, jump, and he even councils troubled defensive backs after he burns them.  Dial 1-800-Sorry-I-Burnt-You, and he’ll show you some words of encouragement fellas.

Running game is showing strides.  Part of that is due to Washington, but Armando Allen and James Aldridge are more decisive than I have seen them.

The defense repelled the Washington O in much the same way the that Comic-Con guys repel the ladies.  Neither are getting close to the endzone.

Clausen’s arm strength.  Matthew Stafford leads the nation giving out free end-of-a-football tattoos to his receiver’s chests, but Clausen is close.  He can make any throw.

The Bad

ND won handidly, but left plenty of points on the field.  They were sloppy enough that an average team would have given them trouble.

Clausen’s accuracy.  The most off I’ve seen him this year.  He needs to get back in the groove for Pitt, becuse ND needs to keep the ball out of Lesean McCoy’s hands.

Hard to tell whether the ND trouble spots (running, defense) have improved or that is just the “Playing Washington Weekly Bonus.”

The Ugly

Ty Willingham’s “How to Recruit Players That Even Rivals.Com Hasn’t Heard OF” on DVD just in time for the holidays.  This is the funniest stand up comedy since Eddie Murphy’s Delerious.

It would be miserable beyond belief to give Willingham and Washington their moment in the sun on Saturday.  So bad that I have come up with 10 horrible scenarios that I would rather have happen (wouldn’t wish this list on anybody) to me that watch the Irish lose to Ty.  Here we go.

10.) Piss myself in public (like when chatting up a hottie.)

9.) Walking in on my parents having sex.  (Nuff Said.)

8.) Get my toe smashed in oblivion by a mallet like Mel Gibson in Payback.

7.) See Charlie Weis naked.

6.) Get tortured by Jack Bauer when he’s looking for a nuclear bomb gone astray.

5.) Have the gas prices go up another dollar/gallon.

4.) Get caught having “alone time” by my dad, mom, and older sister (actually happened to a friend).

3.) Sit through and watch The Notebook every weekend without a girlfriend.  Yep, just a dude sitting and watching a chick flick, eating peanut butter ice cream and complaining that my ass is getting fatter.

2.) Get Tea-Bagged.

…And Finally

1.) Having to look at Megan Fox naked every day (until she gets old) and never, ever, being able to play with  her lady parts.