Lesean McCoy may be the best back the Irish face all season.  More explosive than Ringer, and stronger than Joe McKnight.  That and the fact that Notre Dame does not have a strong defensive line has left me wandering how in the hell we are gonna stop this guy.  My best guesses:

5.) Stacking The Deck.  That’s right, lets sneak in some guys that can actually be disruptive on the defensive line.  My pick: The New York Giants defensive front four.  Tuck, Kiwanuka, Fred Robbins and co. wreak havoc in the NFL, and I think Justin Tuck has one more year of eligibility–so it’s not cheating in the Montgomery Burns sense.

4.)  Sic The Lawyers On Him.  I’m sure he is a good kid, but McCoy crossed the line when he took on “shady” as a nickname.  Even in the digital age, such a blatant disregard for copyrights makes me queasy.  After all, “shady” is the given name to Eminem’s record label, and we know that little baby could fuss and sue over that.  Not even McCoy can outrun an attorney.

3.)  Be Like Tonya Harding.  When in doubt, resort to straight out thuggery–and try to take out your opponent.  Yes, we should always remember history to fuel our great ideas in the present.  So if you Irish fans are listening, consider giving this guy a whack in the kneecap.

2.)  Batter Him With Basic Reasoning.  Lesean had some trouble with his SAT’s and the Irish should take advantage of his possible fragile mental psyche.  Maurice Crum could shout out things like ” In a class of 78 students 41 are taking French, 22 are taking German and 9 students are taking both French and German. How many students are not enrolled in either course?”  His head would be spinning so hard he would not know which blocks to follow.

1.)  Abandon The ND Defense Entirely.  That’s right.  Jimmy Clausen needs to be as accurate as First Response pregancy tests, and lead the offense on time consuming drives (like the whole quarter).  Then, after a score it’s time for an onside kick baby!  ND can recover it every single time, right?